When I was a kid, the drug problems of these characters were never apparent. So what if Wimpy had an obvious food addiction problem? He was eating plates and plates of burgers! Hilarious! Did it occur to me that Shaggy was constantly stoned? No. They could have shown him smoking a fatty onscreen and I wouldn't have batted an eye. After all, there were crooked realtors to unmask! Shady property developers to expose! Cartoons have depicted substance abuse since the beginnings of cartoons, and they still do it today.
Who are the best alcoholic cartoon characters? Remember, kids, stay off drugs. Unless they provide comic relief.... then it's totally ok.
10 Most Adorable Cartoon Drug Addicts,
Barney Gumble
Barney has cleaned up his act a few times, but the fact is the guy's a hardcore drinker. Dude has licked beer off the street and sucked beer out of the taps at Moe's. He's only occasionally employed and when he did get an opportunity to turn his life around as an astronaut, he got drunk on non-alcoholic champagne and relapsed into his alcoholism.
Conclusion: Alcoholic
Bender
Another alcoholic! You might start to think it was legal or something. Bender doesn't get drunk. But he needs the beer to keep himself running. So maybe he doesn't count... as an actual alcoholic. Actually, I'm sure you are thinking right now that this list sucks because I put Bender on here just because I love Bender, and I would put him on all my lists if I could figure out a way.
So bite my shiny metal ass.
Wild Bill Cat
Created initially as the anti-Garfield, there probably wasn't a drug that Bill didn't use. He was a movie star, politician, rock star and corpse. And during each phase of his career, he never stopped living the catatonic life of a user. They SAY that his friends helped him kick his drug habit during his film career where he gained fame in such epics as Orangestoke: The Legend of Bill and Lord of the Monkeys. But after his death and subsequent cloning - followed by short stint with a cult - it could never be said that Bill ever really gave up on drugs. Case in point, the pop-eyed stare, constant smoking, and inability to utter more than gutteral grunts.
Conclusion: Dead.
Brian Griffin
"Whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?"
Oh, sweet alchohol. So addictive. So legal. how many times have you seen Brian without a drink in his hand? On the plus side, he is a recovered cocaine addict. So. Alcohol is better, right?
Conclusion: Alcoholic
Homer Simpson
Why is Homer lower on the list than Barney, you are asking yourself. Yeah, I can hear you. No, I'm not in your house.
Clearly Homer is a fully functioning alcoholic. Unlike Barney, who would lick beer off the sidewalk (and has), Homer might need his Duff... but he can (usually) still pull off a 9 to 5 job and keep his marriage together. But, still. There is a lot of drinking here.
Conclusion: Alcoholic.
Mighty Mouse
So, you're telling me that you get an increased sense of self importance and empowerment right after you snort your "magic powder", Mr. Mighty? Interesting.
Of course, this was just the Ralph Bakshi version of Mighty Mouse, so I'm trying to be fair here. Fair.
But he was a total cokehead.
Conclusion: Cokehead
Underdog
I used to love this guy. He was my favorite cartoon when I was wee small. Of course, I didn't really know at the time that when Underdog would pop one of his magic pills and become freakishly strong and hopped-up... he was totally doing PCP.
This is where all those crazy overdosers are getting it wrong. See, all Underdog did to keep from being taken down by 15 cops with tazers was to put on a saggy, misshapen, clearly homemade costume. Then he can beat up the poor, big-headed Simon Bar Sinister with impunity... nary a SWAT team in sight to take him down.
Conclusion: Speed Freak
Care Bears
Taste the rainbow.
There is NO WAY these things weren't constantly tripping on acid. Think about it. First of all, no one is that happy (or colorful) ALL THE TIME. Plus, have you ever seen a Care Bear sleep? I didn't think so. Plus, just look at their stomachs... it's like they are life-sized tabs.
Conclusion: You pretty much would HAVE to be on acid to even watch the Care Bears.
Shaggy
The effects of marijuana are described as: problems with memory and learning, distorted perception, trouble with thinking and problem solving, loss of motor coordination, increased heart rate, and anxiety.
Let's just forget for a moment that Shaggy was constantly paranoid and hungry. Instead, let's use pot as an explanation for why Shaggy - as a supposed non-developmentally challenged adult - would find himself terrified to the point of incontinence by realtors draped in sheets or wearing $5 Halloween masks.
Conclusion: Total stoner. Frankly, I would toke up as often as I could if I were stuck in a van with Fred and his insufferably patronizing ascot.
Wimpy
It's interesting to note that Wimpy was overweight when he clearly had no job and no money with which to buy food. So I guess that means his friends are enabling his food addiction, right? I mean, just look at that big platter of hamburgers. How could anyone take one look at this guy and fork over some more Burger King money? Plus, what's with the empty promise to pay people back? The guy had no job. Was he ever going to have money on Tuesday if he didn't have any today?
I suppose, though, that burgers are pretty cheap when purchased from the fast food industry. Still, 99 cent thursdays or not, he's got to have 20 bucks worth of burgers on that tray. Come on Popeye, you eat healthy. Why do you keep letting this guy slide deeper into his addiciton?
Conclusion: Food Addict